Monday, September 7, 2015

Sometimes you must surrender yourself so you may survive and rise again

this past weekend taught me many things. it taught me that all my life so many people that spout out the words family and tell you that family is all you have in the end. is truly your worst weapon against you. you combine alcohol, anger, disapproval  of something, and what once was a kind soul, with distance and a forum to make a big scene. the outcome is a keg of dynamite. with no respect for the small children that are being traumatized, no respect for the elderly that are watching unsure how to feel. no respect for the love ones that know that the victim has medical conditions so the wrong outburst on the victims part could not only end them in the hospital but could possibly end their life or worst cause blood shed. or both.
this past weekend, my son say two sides of a reality. things that all his life he was taught to make his own choices on. with no prejudice or bias from me. he was pushed to a limit where my son has no recollection of moments in his mind. because he became that raged. he feared for my life that much and he grew that angry that words like hate, kill, disdain, you hurt my mother, i can never forgive you, i want you dead, keep them away from my mother, you are racist, you are worthless, say those things to me. when help was offered to my mother by someone that loved him, he fought her. because he could not be separated from me. i had to complete a seizure, get my scruples and then fight for air, and tell him what i needed him to do. so he could listen to me. all the while he wanted blood. a 12 yr old should never have his o.d.d. triggered to that point. a twelve year old should never see his blood family in that light.  this past weekend i learned that small cousins was traumatized over the actions they say. i maintained my composure till i could not anymore. till i was far away from the groups. but the children see a lot. and one was truly traumatized as was a autistic one. this is not behavior that special needs children need to understand. they were taught like my son that you love people you help people you do not attack them and harm them.

the high light of my weekend was earlier. it was that my son got to see that not all confederate people are evil. not all confederate people hate black people .not think blacks mixed etc. all mean slavery. not all believe that its whites only, or blacks only. that its all lives matter. the pulling up of me in the van with out flag mounted. gave them so much joy and happiness. the arrival of me, gave them happiness and pride. not because oh look its someone not white with us. but because its dixie and her family. she is cool. they loved us. and as pics snapped. and flags whipped in the wind. they proudly made sure at all times. we was in the ride. we all laughed and joked and smiled. and became good friends. my son , hubby and i started out saturday happy. met real celebrities from the dukes of hazzard. and was so happy to do so. and it was worth it all.

my day ended later at a family function with altercation that put me in the er. and now waiting to raise money to pay off bills so i can go see my specialist i am ordered to see to get seen and meds adjusted. but as i said. i would not trade that morning for anything.

confederate keeper and proud of it. yeah.

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