Monday, March 26, 2012

who to trust



in a world were people wear a mask to hide there flaws, there true selves, i ask you. who can you trust. who can you turn to in your hour of happiness, in your hour of sorrow. how is it that in a brief moment you can make a judgement to trust a stranger and grow extremely close to them...an then in a split second they are gone from your life. or to busy to even care about your turmoil. not realizeing that you notice the distance that has grown. the false promises that have been made and broken. the hopes that have been raised then destroyed. all in all..life is a interesting thing. i ask you again if the world wears mask who can you truely trust.

honestly i say trust yourself. cause at  end of the day..only you know ur deepest pain and will not share it unless you chose to. food for that.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED THIS WEEK


THE ONE THIS I LEARNED THIS WEEK IS THAT EVIL WILL SUCK THE LAST DROP OF LIFE OUT OF YOU IF YOU LET IT.


OVER THE PAST WEEK MY HEALTH HAS DEPLETED, MY PERSONAL LIFE I KEEP VERY CLOSE TO MY HEART. NOT SHARING IT WITH ANYONE. DUE TO THE FACT THAT I CAN NOT TRUST ANYONE WITH MY EMOTIONS. AND THIS WEEK THERE WAS SHERE PROOF OF WHY I DO THAT. ONE SIMPLE PERSON. MANAGED TO NOT ONLY CAUSE ENOUGH OF A UPROAR IN MY LIVING COMMUNITY. BUT ALSO CAUSED ENOUGH OF A FEELING OF VIOLATION AS WELL AS FEAR TO LEAVE MY HOME IT TRIGGERED THE EXTREMELY DANGERIOUSLY CONDITIONS I LIVE WITH EACH DAY. TO THOSE THAT ARE VICTIM OF SEVERE PTSD AND SOCIETY ANXIETY. YOU KNOW HOW THE HARRASSMENT OF ONE SINGLE PERSON CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN A BLINK OF A EYE. NO MATTER HOW MANY YEARS OF THERAPY YOU HAVE ENDURED. ALSO YOU AS WELL KNOW THAT THERE IS A CHANCE FOR STRESS ENDUCED SEIZURES. WELL TAHDAH THANKS TO THE HARRASSMENT AND UNWILLINGNESS TO LEAVE ME ALONE I HAD TO ENDURE ONE OF THOSE HORRIFIC SEIZURES. AN TO MAKE IT WORST. I HAD TO ENDURE IT ALONE. MY HUBBY IS STILL OUT OF TOWN. SO MANY BAD THNGS COULD HAVE HAPPENED.

BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF IT. I SEEN THE TRUE COLORS OF PEOPLE. I SEE HOW QUICKLY PEOPLE WILL JOIN A SIDE WITH OUT ALL TH E FACTS. AND NOW I AM LOOKING INTO WHAT I NEED TO DO TO PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING AGAIN. BE IT BY RESTRAINING ORDER, HARRASSMENT LAW SUIT, ETC. 

THERE IS SO MUCH THAT I DEAL WITH EACH DAY THAT NO ONE SEES, OR HEARS ABOUT. AN HONESTLY I DIDNT NOT NEED THIS SO I THANK THOSE THAT HAVE STOOD BY ME. THE RARE FEW THAT STILL STAND BESIDE ME. TY. BLESSED BE.

Monday, March 12, 2012

sooo what has been going on lately


well it has been some time since i wrote in my blog. but i fealt tht i needed to. left has been extremely hectic. sadly i honestly can say i have lost faith in just about any and everything. the storms of life has preceeded to weigh me down futher and further. i do understand that it is up to me to weather the storms and survive so that i reach my goal. but emotionally i am drained. the promise that if i lost at least 50 lbs i would have a drastic drop in alot of my meds, and fibro would get better . was alet down. along with the fact that now i have severe tailbone pain coccydynea and raynaud phenomenon  to very painful new conditions to live with. the emotional toal it takes to do all this alone when you know ur heart loves your husband kills you. it breaks your heart. i fight each day to no just up and walk away. i just want all the obstacles that are standing in his wa y of returngin back home to us to be removed. honestly i do ont know what i can handle much more of. honestly i just done. life is to shot to suffer this much. idk what to do.

wls is hard an its even harder when u have to do it alone. but i can not say that to anyone. cause everyone has problems..an struggles so i am told to just get over it. so for me. i wonder at times..if the reason i am failing is to show others that even a smart one can just give up. when there is no one supporting her. cyber friends are wonderful. but honestly what is there to do when u log off ur computer ou are still alone. no one is there . no one to say hey go for a walk with me. nothing. everyone has a life. so this is my blog..an honestly i just dont know what to do anymore..honestly i can not take anymore

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