Saturday, October 15, 2011

determination and positive attitude

each day i wake up, i sit up in bed, with my husband back pillow resting behind me. my big black short haired familiar cat named onyx curled up usually wedged in some part of my body that makes me think omg if i roll over i swear i would squish her. and i look down upon my floor where my hubby has camped out. with his blanket and pillow. sadly since my surgery i have not felt comfortable enough in or around my stomach to have him sleeping in the bed with me. but with all the nausea and random other ailments that happen in the night. he, my mother, and I have all seen fit that he should not sleep to far away. normally i would not care were he sleeps..but since i do have heart issues and those seem to happen random too. i finally stopped arguing with my mother and him. an said yes i will let him camp on the floor. so with my trust bad ass walker at the end of my bed, my cane in reach at all times, and water near by at all times, an a snoring hubby (really fiance but he is more of a hubby than anything) on my floor. i sit, grab my laptop. an usually start out my day. the mornings are really frustrating. cause all i use to do before the rny gastric bypass. i no longer have the desire to do anymore. most of the face book games i don't want to be on. all i want is to catch up on the dieing of thirst feeling i have, and the exhausted feeling. an to get control of both my meds, and vitamin schedule as well as a steady exercise routine. 
i have been blessed that i have a wonderful surgeon and staff plus i already had a wonderful primary doctor and staff. an heart doctor an staff. so all together they make one great team. but with this big life change. it is on me to get control of how things are done. sadly i feel so out of sync. i keep telling myself to make a routine. stick too it. but when you have a hubby that makes your meals. does something an you gotta question the way its prepared so that its to the letter. it gets frustrating. i never realized how frustrating it is. and sadly if i say anything its like i hurt his feelings. so i just try to stay determined. i think what i am gonna do is start doing stuff digitally. so that he can just pull it up and tahdah no altering. he is a gamer. so he would rather short change me. or make alterations that he believes will cut his time later. than to understand it can make me deathly sick or even harm me. well time to wake the snoring man and the snoring cat. and start the day. gotta take all my pills. just keep telling myself..determination an positive attitude. cause with out those two things...I'm screwed

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