Friday, October 28, 2011

ITS BEEN A LONG WAY ROAD TO GET HERE TODAY

LIKE A PHOENIX I RISE TO FLY ON THE NEW JOURNEY BLESSED BE
well today is my 6wk post op rny surgery date. which means that 6wks ago today i underwent a life changing experience that in hopes will help extend my life an give my a longer life with both my fiance as well as the main reason i done it..my son. 6 wks ago i walked in to university of Virginia hospital and dr. kliener changed my life. now over the past 6 wks post op i have under gone many complications. many of which they do not prepare you for in the class you have to mandatory take before you can have surgery. you also do not usually hear all the things that can happen to you and that you can or may endure once you have surgery. you hear how the surgeon will cut your stomach an give you what is known as a pouch. will take your full size stomach an when you wake up you will have a pouch that holds 4oz..aka a half a cup. what they do not tell you is. that measurement is not a exact science. so for some that leave the hospital  me being one of them we may leave unable to even swallow 2oz of food. for the first 3wks post op i was on blenderized food. food that had the texture of applesauce. an at times you wish you could just eat nothing but apple sauce. but then for a week you will progress to what they call phase3 the soft food. it means that if you can squish it with a fork it is considered soft. then the end of week for. you will go to your final phase. phase 4 regular food. you will one by one add in different types of foods that you use to eat. just healthier as well as alot smaller portions. it is also suggested that you join a support group so that you know that you are not alone in this struggle. as well as some people will find out that depression will become a large part of your life after surgery. now that was the one thing that i was pleased about. i know who gets happy about depression. not normal right. well for me..i am permanently disabled due to bipolar number 2. i have severe ptsd, an severe society anxiety as well as severe anxiety disorder  along with other medical conditions. but when they said hey you may need a shrink after surgery i laughed. cause i am already on the meds needed for it. for once it was something i could say i already was prepared for. an yes there are days that you feel like omg some one please make it stop. those days when you know you have been busting your booty an tahdah you find yourself laying in the hospital being told your are at a dangerous dehydration level. all you can say is wtf. I looked into support groups in my area an the one through the hospital and i have discovered that there are some really angry plus size people in this world. an at least in my county. an sadly some get very upset to learn that maybe your weight loss up to this point is more than they had in a 6 month time frame . so i found a amazing group. and out of respect for the group everyone agrees to not use the name on there blogs as well as there facebook profiles. cause some people have not or made a conscious choice not to let others know they had this procedure. an i truly respect that choice. at times i regret sharing it. but then i realize that if i can give one person knowledge, insight into a person's rny post op life, as well as just some support that the things they go through are not just them. then i feel like i have helped someone.
this journey has been a hard one. at 6wks post op i have been in the hospital for potential strictures, dangerous dehydration levels, more than once. as well as acid reflux issues ,projective vomiting, and as of yesterday a potential heart attack or stroke. which by the grace of goddess i was told i did not have. but in that has caused so much stress on my stomach pouch as well as my weight loss progression. due to all the medical complications over the past 3 wks. it slowed down my weight loss considerably and i was not able to drink my protein shakes cause i could not stomach them nor was  i able to reach my daily protein requirement an on most days could not even eat very much. so in that my stomach has been just icky. but i have lost a nice amount of weight over the past few weeks. 
yesterday was a hard day in general after being in the hospital all day . i did come home an eat a small amount. i wake up this morning pretty rested but at the same time even though my ekg an stuff came back fine i am still having phantom chest pain issues.  but i think part of it is indigestion. sometimes i forget that even eating a couple bites of something means you have to wait to drink before an after it. that is what makes it hard sometimes with this lifestyle. i see so many people who just want this surgery cause they believe this is some easy way out of weight loss. they look in there mirror an they hate themselves. well first off. get over that shit really fast seriously . i mean no disrespect to people. but omg if you hate yourself that damn much cause you are sooo damn over weight fyitah dah they get it. fyi i hope those people fail. i know it is wrong to wish that on people. but day in day out i have to live with this life changing experience, i have to not only alter my own life, but in return it changes your children's life, and if you have a mate it will change theres. if you are low income family like  i am..you can not afford a ton of healthy stuff then a bunch of crap for them to eat too. so everyone must change. but then there are people that just eat what they want. wow it upsets me. and honestly the bullshit that people believe this is a easy way out of weight loss. those people do not deserve this procedure either. cause they really need to tell me what the hell is so easy about having a stomach that isn't even 4 ounces. that on most days a 2oz  is all you can eat. having to eat every 3 hrs. having to make sure you get your protein. and making sure you get at least 64oz of water in a day. all in all..it is not easy. the making sure every single bite is chewed up to dang near mush before you swallow so that it doesn't get stuck in the hole. so all in all, its isn't easy. the fact that you gotta swallow pills all the time for something. so to those people wow get a clue. don't say its the easy way out. an do not whine cause your life is soooo awful cause you want a procedure that you mentally just want to have cause you believe it is gonna magically make you look like you did wayyy back in the day or some one that you have never looked like in your life. this journey you embark on is not about lookin hot its about becoming healthy an changing your life in a good way. 


i tell anyone...i carried my heavy load, i burst into flames an crumbled to ashes..an as i awoke from my procedure like a phoenix i arose. i rise to the sky to take flight once more. but only this time i have been  given a second chance. an for that i am blessed. blessed be



3 comments:

  1. with every thing that hard make you a stronger person keep up the good work we all known all along what a great person you are

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  2. You have a beautiful way at looking at things you know... If your public or bloggic emotions and writings help even one person than it is worth it. You have shown amazing strength in the short while that I have known you and I am so glad that I know you! -hugs-
    Blessed Be

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  3. momma boote i thank you for always seein the good in me..an loving me an dragon like family. it truely has gotten me over alot of hurdles..thank you .. an gothcc blessed be an ty for the kind words

    ReplyDelete

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